1 Apr 2025 Patient and Family Stories

Emma Hanks on hospice care, Loss, and the fight to save The Kirkwood

When illness strikes a loved one, the impact on a family can be profound. For Emma Hanks and her family, that moment came in 2020 when her mother, Carol Parker, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, a rare and aggressive form of the condition. What followed was a journey filled with heartache, resilience, and ultimately, a deep appreciation for the support of hospice care.

When Emma Hanks’ mother, Carol Parker, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2020, life changed dramatically for her family. The condition, which also affects actor Bruce Willis, is a rare form of dementia that progresses rapidly.

By November 2022, Carol was bedbound, her speech was limited, and her family were caring for her at home. However, by June 2023, it became clear that she was in the final stages of her illness, and the decision was made to seek hospice care.

“We were going to have Mum at home,” Emma explains. “My sister Claire and her husband had built an annex for Mum and Dad to live independently, but literally next door. But with Claire having two children, we felt that if we were lucky enough to get a place at the hospice, it would be the better option.”

That place became available with The Kirkwood, where Carol spent the last five and a half weeks of her life. She died on 28th July 2023, aged 78.

Despite knowing of The Kirkwood, Emma and her family had never experienced its services first hand.

“None of us, Claire, Dad, or I had ever had a family member here before. It was all very new to us,” Emma says. “To be honest, it was a little bit scary. The word ‘hospice’ is intimidating, and you associate it with people being very, very poorly. But when we arrived, it was completely different to what I had anticipated.”

She admits she expected the hospice to feel quiet and sorrowful, but instead, she found it warm and uplifting.

“It was welcoming, it was supportive. I actually enjoyed coming down every day. My sister Claire, my dad, and my mum’s sister, my Auntie Linda, we were all here every single day.” She said.

The experience of The Kirkwood left such a strong impact on Emma’s family that they felt compelled to give back. Claire now volunteers at the hospice every Monday, helping on the In-Patient unit, changing water in rooms, and making tea for families. Their Auntie Linda also volunteers, arranging flowers each week.

Emma has taken a different approach and wanted to focus on fundraising to support the hospice in that way.

“When Mum passed, we set up a fundraising page,” she explains. “Then, when I heard about the hospice’s financial struggles, I set up another page. I’d love to do something bigger in the future, maybe even jump out of a plane!”

The Kirkwood recently announced it was facing a £1.7 million shortfall, a situation Emma describes as "devastating."

“We cannot lose it,” she says firmly. “We can’t let it reduce its services either, but if the money isn’t there, that’s exactly what will happen.”

Emma believes that part of the issue is a lack of public awareness about what hospices do and how crucial they are.

“Until you’ve experienced it, you don’t realise how important it is. People might think, ‘Oh, that’s sad,’ but it doesn’t truly resonate until it’s your family member being cared for.” She explained.

She urges local people to take action: “If every person in Huddersfield donated £4.87 about the price of a Happy Meal, we would have the £1.7 million tomorrow.”

Emma also calls for political change, highlighting how government funding decisions are failing hospice care: “I cannot understand how, as a country, we’ve ended up here,” she says. “People are living longer, meaning more care is needed, but the money isn’t going where it should. The people needing this care are those who have worked their whole lives, paid into the system, and yet they are being failed.”

She urges people to write to their MPs and demand action.l: “You can’t just shut a hospice down and bring it back later. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.”

Emma is no stranger to grief. Ten years ago, she lost her husband, Martin, in an accident. After that tragedy she had counselling just like after her mum died. Emma accessed the counselling service with The Kirkwood.

On that she said: “I’ve done counselling before, privately, after Martin passed away,” she explains.

“Claire and Dad started counselling sooner than I did, but I probably had a delayed reaction to Mum’s death. I’ve just completed seven weeks of counselling and have one more session left.”

Emma acknowledges that grief is a long term process and that counselling can be incredibly valuable.

“I think everyone should have counselling, just as a standard thing, to help deal with life. It’s helpful to have a professional to talk to, someone removed from the situation, rather than relying on family and friends who are grieving in their own way.”

Asked to describe her mum, Emma’s face lights up.

She said: “Mum was just amazing, the best mum I could have ever wished for,” she smiles. “She was a fantastic mum, an amazing nana, a wonderful wife, and a caring sister and friend. She would come out with silly things or make up words, and we all just knew what she meant! If a stranger heard her, they’d probably have no idea what she was saying.”

Carol was also incredibly dedicated to her family, balancing a full time job while raising Emma and Claire and later helping care for her grandchildren.

“It was heartbreaking to see Mum deteriorate the way she did. She lost so much of what made her, her. That’s the hardest part.” Emma added.

Emma remains determined to fight for The Kirkwood not only to honour her mother’s memory but to ensure other families receive the same care and support.

“I genuinely wish I had £1.7 million in my bank account because The Kirkwood would have it in a heartbeat. That’s how much this place means to me.”

Her message to the public is clear: “If you’ve never needed a hospice, I hope you never do. But if you do, you will be grateful it’s there. We must do everything we can to save it.”

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