5 Feb 2025 Patient and Family Stories

Khadijah’s Story: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Support with The Kirkwood

For Khadijah Hussain, being a carer for her mother, Janette Murray, was never a question, it was simply what she had to do. She wanted to ensure her mum remained comfortable, dignified, and cared for in the best way possible. But what she didn’t realise at the time was how much support she would need as well. Through the immense challenges of navigating her mother’s illness, fighting for proper care, and dealing with the profound grief of losing her, The Kirkwood became a vital source of comfort, not only for Janette in her final days but for Khadijah herself. This is her story a testament to resilience, the power of support, and the crucial role The Kirkwood plays in families’ lives during their most difficult times.

Janette Murray’s journey with cancer began in 2019, when she was diagnosed with bladder cancer. After undergoing surgery to have her bladder removed, she was given the all clear in February 2022. The relief, however, was short-lived.

Just one month later, in March 2022, Janette became unwell again. She was in and out of hospital, struggling with unexplained symptoms, but despite her deteriorating health, doctors failed to diagnose cancer. 

By June 2022, things had worsened significantly. Sensing that something was terribly wrong, Khadijah rushed her mum to hospital, where she underwent an near 9 hour emergency operation to remove a bowel blockage. Doctors reassured the family that it was just adhesions, scarring from a previous operation causing the problem. 

It wasn’t until 17th August 2022, during what was meant to be a routine check up, that they were finally told the devastating truth: Janette had terminal cancer. After months of uncertainty, the reality hit hard that she had little time left.

Janette made the heartbreaking decision that she did not want to return to the hospital. After experiencing the care she had by the NHS, Janette wanted to spend her remaining time at home, with dignity, surrounded by family. Within eight weeks, in October 2022, she died.

From the moment Janette fell ill again, Khadijah took on the role of her full time carer. She balanced looking after her four children, running a business, and ensuring her mum received the best possible care.

“Looking after my mum was my priority, and I wanted to ensure she had as much dignity and comfort as possible. I didn’t want outside carers coming in because I wanted to take care of her myself. But in doing that, I put a lot of pressure on myself, and it was overwhelming at times. 

“The Kirkwood nurses recognised that. They weren’t just there to help with my mum’s care, they were there for me too. They listened, reassured me, and made sure I had emotional support. In many ways, they helped me keep going during the hardest time of my life.”

In the final few weeks of Janette’s life, The Kirkwood stepped in to provide support. Though Janette had originally considered going into the hospice, she ultimately chose to stay at home. The nurses provided guidance, emotional support, and helped with medication management, ensuring Janette remained as comfortable as possible.

“There’s no guidebook for looking after a loved one in their final weeks. You do everything you can, but the pressure is immense. I was constantly worrying was I doing things right? Was my mum in pain? Was there something more I could do? The Kirkwood nurses didn’t just provide practical help, they gave me peace of mind. Knowing that they were there, that I could call them for advice or reassurance, made an unbelievable difference. It allowed me to focus on just being with my mum in those precious moments.”

When Janette died, Khadijah didn’t allow herself time to grieve. She was so focused on staying strong for her children and continuing with life’s responsibilities that she suppressed her emotions. But over time, the weight of it all became too much.

“Grief doesn’t have a timeline. At first, I thought I was coping, but over time, I realised I wasn’t. It was a delayed reaction because I was so busy looking after everyone else, my children, my responsibilities, trying to hold everything together. But when I finally admitted that I needed help, t

The Kirkwood was still there. They told me it didn’t matter if it had been two months, two years, or even ten years, they would always offer support when I needed it. Just knowing that made such a difference because grief can be so isolating.”

A year later, in August 2023, she began bereavement counselling with The Kirkwood.

She said: “At first, I was in denial. I kept telling myself I was fine, that I didn’t need help. But the reality was, I was suppressing my emotions, trying to stay strong for my children and everyone around me. It wasn’t until I started counselling that I realised grief isn’t about 'getting over' someone. It’s about learning how to live with that loss, without feeling guilty for moving forward. The Kirkwood helped me see that my mum would want me to be happy and to keep living my life, not to be stuck in sadness.”

Through the counselling process, Khadijah found herself reconnecting with happy memories of her mum: “The Kirkwood helped me remember my mum’s smile and happy times, and that’s what keeps me going.”

Before her experience, Khadijah had never heard of The Kirkwood. Like many, she associated hospices with death, but now she knows they are so much more.

“When people hear the word ‘hospice’, they often think it’s just where people go to die. But that’s not true. The Kirkwood is about living as well as possible, for as long as possible. And it’s not just about the patient, it’s about the whole family. They provide counselling, bereavement support, and practical help that continues long after someone has passed away. The atmosphere isn’t gloomy or sad, it’s warm, welcoming, and full of kindness.”

Her experience has opened her eyes to how important The Kirkwood is to the community: “I had never heard of The Kirkwood before my mum’s illness, and I think that’s the case for a lot of people. You don’t really think about these kinds of services until you need them. But once I experienced their support, I realised just how essential they are. They don’t just help people at the end of their lives; they support families, carers, and loved ones too. And they do it all with limited funding. It makes me want to raise awareness because more people need to know that this help is out there.”

Khadijah now wants to encourage others to seek help if they are struggling whether as a carer or someone dealing with loss.

She said: “There is no shame in needing support. Whether you are in the middle of caring for someone or dealing with the aftermath, don’t go through it alone. The Kirkwood is there for you, just like they were for me.”

If you or someone you know needs support, The Kirkwood is always there to help. Learn more about our services HERE 

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