6 Dec 2024 Patient and Family Stories

Joy Lockwood’s journey with The Kirkwood and how we supported her

Joy Lockwood, 77, from Holmfirth, has been a devoted carer to her husband Frank, who has been living with dementia for the past eight years.

Joy shares her heartfelt story, describing how support from The Kirkwood has helped her cope with the challenges of being a carer.

“I used to have an Admiral Nurse from Folly Hall in Huddersfield to talk to, as I was gradually getting more and more anxious about my husband Frank with him having dementia,” Joy explains. 

“About a week after discussing things with her, I got a phone call from a lady called Tracey, who said she was a counsellor and asked if I would like to see her, so, I did. After our first chat, I thought, ‘What a fantastic lady!’ Every time I have seen her since, I have come away feeling positive.”

Before her experience, Joy admits she wasn’t fully aware of the breadth of services offered by The Kirkwood. She said: “I didn’t know a lot about The Kirkwood and all the different services you offered. I knew bits of what the hospice did, but since being involved, I am absolutely amazed. To think that there’s a counsellor down here, and there’s more than one, it's brilliant.”

Joy’s journey as a carer began when Frank’s symptoms became noticeable. “Frank has had dementia for eight years now. It was a slow onset, but it’s just getting a little bit quicker now. It was kind of a shock. We have two grown up children, and they noticed that Frank would say something and then do something completely different. Frank would forget things from time to time.”

At first, the couple's doctor struggled to pinpoint the cause. “When the doctors first did tests, they thought it was MCI. However then he had more tests, and we were told it was dementia. Frank was upset, and I was upset because he was so upset. I knew there was something wrong. We’ve been married for 56 years. We got married in our 20s and have lived a great life together, going to many places and seeing lots of different things. So it’s very sickening for me now to see him going downhill slightly.”

For Joy, the hardest part has been the emotional toll of seeing her husband change. She explained: “It’s upsetting for me because I know I have lost a part of him. He doesn’t understand certain things anymore. I can’t have a conversation with him anymore, which is very hard for me.”

Support from The Kirkwood has been a lifeline for her. She said: “My GP put me in contact with a new Admiral Nurse at The Kirkwood called Rachel Guest. I didn’t know there was an Admiral Nurse down here. She came out to see me and Frank the first time, and then I saw her at the building in Dalton.”

Joy also highlighted the importance of counselling in her life. She said: “Tracey the counsellor told me all about the wellbeing sessions that The Kirkwood run, which I just find fantastic too. I have to be strong for Frank, and that’s why the counselling sessions are so important because I know I can say what I need to say to Tracey. I know that is my safe space to speak.”

In addition to individual support, Joy has found solace in community activities. “I go to a dementia café every month. I was asked to talk about my experiences with Frank and then the support I have had with The Kirkwood. I wanted to do it as I feel it’s important.”

Joy is passionate about raising awareness of the charity’s work. She said: “To support The Kirkwood, we’ve played your lottery for many years. The Kirkwood has helped me so much by making my life just that little bit easier. Knowing I have their support is a great comfort. I believe everyone should know about the great work the charity does.”

Finally, Joy wanted to give the message to others of encouragement about getting in touch with The Kirkwood, she said: “If there’s anyone out there who is struggling right now, I would definitely urge them to speak with The Kirkwood to see how they can help.”