8 Dec 2023 Care

Nicola’s Story

"You think that hospices are really dark places, but The Kirkwood was filled with light, love, happiness and Christmas spirit.”

My husband Richard died on Friday the 3rd of January 2020. I lost someone amazing that day. He was my everything, he was my world.

But despite going through that horrendous trauma, it ironically was one of the best Christmases we’ve had as a family. A big part of that was down to The Kirkwood and the amazing team who made both Richard and my entire family feel comfortable and valued. We felt like we really mattered and the care they provided was unbelievable.

To think that I was going through one of the darkest periods of my life, I have such happy memories of that time. It’s quite a surreal feeling.

On the 14th of February 2019, Richard was diagnosed with skin cancer. He went for treatment at St James’s Hospital in Leeds and had quite a few rounds of chemotherapy, but it made him really ill and that’s when he went downhill. We were referred to The Kirkwood by our GP and that’s when the hospice really stepped up to help us.

It was a real shock and deep down I kind of knew that he wasn’t going to get any better. You just listen to what the doctors have to say and do everything you can to follow what they are telling you. They told us in the beginning that they might be able to cure Richard, but as time went on we could tell that wasn’t going to be the case.

I just went into robot mode. I had our daughter, Cerys, and the other kids to look after, I didn’t have time to think. From the day Richard was diagnosed, I never thought about myself. I was just so busy making sure everyone else was okay.
Richard and I had been together for 13 years and never married, but it suddenly felt really important for us to take the plunge. We made the decision to tie the knot in April of that year, and Cerys, who was just 11 at the time, made the most beautiful bridesmaid on the day.

Just eight months after his diagnosis, Richard was admitted into The Kirkwood’s hospice.

It was a week or two before Christmas 2019 when he was admitted. It was a relief in a way. It took a lot of pressure off me because I didn’t have to think about how I would be able to look after him and the kids all at the same time. I had time to think about Luke, Tommy, and Cerys.

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time, you are supposed to look forward to it and be excited. However, it was different for us in 2019, I was dreading Christmas, I think we all were. But we tried to be happy and make it as nice as we could at the time.

We decorated Richard’s room at the hospice; we got a Christmas tree and tinsel; we tried to make it as special as we could for the kids.

The Kirkwood team were amazing – the way they talked and interacted with us, it took all our fears away. The care, kindness and compassion they showed was just unbelievable. Suddenly we could concentrate on creating happy memories with Richard. It’s something I’ll never forget.

On Christmas Eve the kids were visiting Richard and Santa came to pay us a visit. He came into Richard’s room, and they had some pictures taken. It was a magical moment.

The nurses made a real fuss of Cerys, and I think she liked that. The way all the nurses were with me and my family kept Richard calm and relaxed too.

I remember waking up at home on Christmas morning and it was the first time Richard wasn’t there with us. We opened a few presents at home and then we rushed down to the hospice. We were all there, buzzing on the door at 6am to see him. Richard was just pleased that the kids were safe and as happy as they could be. He wasn’t really talking at that point – although he could still crack a joke!

From New Year’s Eve onwards, I didn’t leave his side. I’ll always remember that evening. Richard was really drowsy, but he woke up and asked what all the noise was. I told him it was the fireworks going off to bring in the New Year. He just said ‘okay’ and then went back to sleep.I think Richard held on to give us one last Christmas and New Year together.

I always thought that Christmas would stay in my memory for the wrong reasons, and at the end it was really difficult. But I have lots of happy memories of that time too. In fact, I would go as far to say it was one of the best Christmases we ever had.

You think that hospices are really dark places, but The Kirkwood was filled with light, love, happiness and Christmas spirit. They made our last few weeks together the best they possibly could be and helped us to create memories we’ll cherish forever.

I hope you’ll consider supporting The Kirkwood this Christmas to help make sure more families like ours can benefit from the compassionate, loving care we were so lucky to receive.

Thank you so much,

Nicola