20 Nov 2024 Patient and Family Stories

Hilary and Peter’s The Kirkwood journey and how we’ve supported them

At 84, Hilary Annette Coakley reflects on a journey of resilience, love, and connection to The Kirkwood, a hospice that has been by her side through some of the most challenging times in her life. Her husband, Peter, 85, has also faced his battles with a life limiting illness too. Their experiences and gratitude highlight the importance of compassionate care in times of crisis.

The Kirkwood became part of Hilary and Peter’s lives many years ago when a close friend of theirs, also battling cancer, was moved to the hospice. Hilary recalls that time with deep fondness, noting how the hospice provided a sense of comfort and care, unlike anything they’d seen before.

She said: “It spans from many years ago when we had a friend who was cared for by the hospice He was actually in the hospital at the same time as Peter, who was getting treatment for his cancer. 

“They moved our friend to The Kirkwood, and we'd come and visit him. All three of us couldn't get over how wonderful this place was. He raved about it. We were very happy to see him here being cared for. We were very impressed with what The Kirkwood did, even all those years ago.”

Peter remembers the “little touches” that set The Kirkwood apart from a typical hospital environment, recalling how the nurses took time to connect and make sure his friend felt comfortable. “It was so different from being in a hospital. The nurses had time to speak with him, and nothing was too much. He said that he was comfortable and thought the world of The Kirkwood.”

Tragically, Hilary and Peter lost their daughter, Tarnya, to cancer in 2012 at the age of 53. Her cancer quickly spread from her breast to her brain, and they were heartbroken that she could not spend her final days at The Kirkwood due to temporary renovations at the hospice’s In Patient Unit.

Hilary commented: “My daughter, Tarnya was 53 and diagnosed with breast cancer. Very shortly after that, she ended up with tumours on her brain. We were so hoping that she was going to come here for her last weeks. We had nursed her at home. However, unfortunately, The Kirkwood was being renovated at the time, and its In Patient Unit service was temporarily moved up to the hospital.”

Despite these obstacles, Hilary found solace in the efforts The Kirkwood staff made to create a supportive environment for Tarnya in the hospital. “The care in the hospital was great by The Kirkwood staff. They really did their best to not make it a hospital environment,” she says. Though Tarnya ultimately passed away in their Lincolnshire home, Hilary and Peter felt supported by The Kirkwood’s staff, who ensured they had everything they needed to care for her.

Hilary added: “We miss Tarnya deeply, but we will always be thankful for the care and compassion that The Kirkwood staff showed her and us at the time.”

In 2010, Hilary was diagnosed with cancer herself. Over the years, she underwent several surgeries as the cancer spread, eventually reaching her liver. Recently, she was given the devastating news that her illness is terminal. However, it was not just the physical toll of cancer but the emotional weight that began to wear on her. Feeling lost and abandoned by her usual medical network, Hilary reached out to The Kirkwood, seeking the support she felt was slipping away.

“I took it upon myself to contact The Kirkwood to see what help they could offer,” she says. “So I came to an open meeting and I was a bit of a gibbering wreck, to be quite honest, because I felt alone, I felt abandoned, and didn’t know what direction my end of life was going to be like. That was the best thing I did because when I walked out of The Kirkwood's Dalton site that day, I had a weight lifted off my shoulders.”

For Hilary, The Kirkwood was a lifeline. “It wasn't so much the cancer that was causing the problems, it was all the stress around it that was causing me issues.”

With the guidance of Linda, a nurse from The Kirkwood, Hilary began to regain a sense of control. “Linda came and did a home visit, and we had a long conversation. I told her all my worries, all my woes, and straight away, she more or less took over. I was confused about medication. The next thing I know, she's in touch with my GP, we're getting sorted, and we're getting on the right road.”

The counselling sessions offered by The Kirkwood also became a vital source of support, helping her face the realities of her illness with courage. “I've had two sessions of counselling. I came to the counselling, and we talked about a lot of things, but most of all, my mind was put to rest, and I felt very good. After the session, I thought I could face the world.”

Hilary describes her recent experience with a second counselling session, explaining how it helped her find inner peace in the face of her advancing illness. 

She said: “I was having nightmares and couldn’t sleep, I just couldn’t cope. It’s like living with a permanent tension. Since my second session, I have to tell you again, I came out thinking I can cope with the world now, I can take on any battle and I very much look forward to the future.”

Hilary has found profound comfort in knowing that The Kirkwood is only a phone call away, ready to listen and support her whenever she needs it. She reflects on the hospice’s impact on her life and on the lives of so many in the community.

“The Kirkwood is so important to the community here, and I can't thank them enough for all the support they've given me. Without The Kirkwood, hundreds of people would be in far worse situations each year,” she emphasises. She encourages anyone in need of their services to reach out, even if it feels daunting.

She said: “If someone needs help from The Kirkwood but is nervous about speaking to them, I'd say pick up the phone, don’t hesitate. If you can't pick up the phone, ask a friend to call them.”

Hilary, who is part of a fundraising group called the Pink Ladies, dedicates her efforts to causes close to her heart, with The Kirkwood being at the top of her list. Her husband, Peter, has also been a source of strength for her. “Peter has been a wonderful support to me too, and I know he’s been worried about me. I think because The Kirkwood stepped in to support me so well, that's helped Peter too.”

As Hilary and Peter continue their journey together, they remain grateful to The Kirkwood, whose compassion, guidance, and understanding have made all the difference in their lives.