3 Mar 2023 Care

“Without The Kirkwood I wouldn’t be able to speak about all this like I can today.”

The Kirkwood are here for anyone affected by a life limiting illness here in Kirklees, whether you have had a previous connection to us or not. A simple phone call to our 24-hour advice line could help you to get the support you need.

Rita Rossi reached out for help following the death of her husband, Luigi, who sadly died from Acute Myeloid Leukemia at the age of 71. In need of support to help her cope with the bereavement, Rita decided to reach out via our advice line after being given the number by her doctor.

Rita felt she needed to talk to someone about Luigi’s death, but because he hadn’t been cared for by The Kirkwood, she didn’t know she could access emotional and psychological support from our team of counsellors. She was surprised to discover that we’re here to support anyone affected by a life limiting illness, not just those living with one.

Since discovering the different ways The Kirkwood Counselling team can help, Rita has been attending group bereavement sessions, which is helping her to manage her grief and find new ways to cope.

Without the team from The Kirkwood, and the compassionate support from members of her bereavement group, Rita believes she still wouldn’t be able to talk about her husband or remember him in the way she is now able to.

We recently sat down for a conversation with Rita, 65, who was open and honest about her experience of supporting Luigi at the end of his life. She also told us about how The Kirkwood’s bereavement sessions had helped her.

"Luigi was diagnosed with AML (Leukemia] in August 2020. He was then admitted into Unit 21 at Pinderfields Hospital which, in the end, became like a second family to us. They were fantastic with his care. At the time we had options and decided Luigi would have intense chemotherapy in the September. He spent most of his time in hospital whilst he was having his chemotherapy sessions. In March 2021 he went into remission, but by June of that year the cancer came back. Luigi and Rita chose to have a second round of intense Chemotherapy.

Luigi and Rita

 

"Luigi was due to have a bone marrow transplant at St James’ University Hospital in Leeds. There was no donor available, so our son was going to be his donor. However, when the results came back in November, they said this couldn't happen.

We applied for clinical trials at Christie's in Manchester but the same happened there. Pinderfields Hospital then provided Luigi with powerful tablets and he managed to get on another trial at Christie's in May 2022. However in the end Luigi went quickly and passed away on April 15th, and it was all so very hard.                         

"Whilst we were sorting out the funeral and arrangements, it was all like a whirlwind and I had no time to think about how I was feeling. I was just focussed on getting things sorted. I was struggling to deal with everything and my doctor said it might be a good idea to talk to someone. That’s when he gave me details about The Kirkwood's advice line."

When Rita was told about The Kirkwood, she was understandably apprehensive. She wasn’t sure how The Kirkwood could help her, because Luigi hadn’t been under our care during his illness. However she made the call and was immediately reassured by a member of our team. By the time June 2022 came around, Rita was ready to attend her first bereavement session.

"I honestly didn't know if I was ready to turn up to my first session, but I went.” said Rita. “I didn't know what to expect. Just walking through the doors was hard. But ever since that moment I have felt supported!

“In those early sessions all I did was cry, but I came to realise that crying was okay. It was a release for me – the fact I could talk to people who were having the same feelings and thoughts as me was so important. Those first sessions helped me get to where I am today. It made me believe I wasn’t alone.

"I still talk with friends and family and they don't know how to bring up Luigi to me and remember him. However, because I've been given the chance to talk about him in a comfortable environment, I can now speak about him and remember those good times."

Rita moved from our group for those who are newly bereaved to one of our larger group sessions, which she now attends regularly fortnightly on a Tuesday. She feels comforted in the knowledge that The Kirkwood will always be there for her. She knows she will have down days, but believes what The Kirkwood has helped her do is be able to have more honest and open conversations – not just about Luigi, but about death as a topic more generally.

She said: "I feel now that I have had counselling, I'm able to have more open and honest conversations about death. I know that without The Kirkwood I wouldn't be able to speak about all this like I can today. The Kirkwood are a fantastic charity. I thought they just looked after end of life patients – I didn't know about the other services they provide, it's fantastic.

"The team here are so good. They don't rush you, they let you go at your own pace and that's what's great about the group. We are all at different stages and know what each of us are going through.

“I once mentioned a board game group that ran in the community to another member of one of the bereavement sessions, and the next time I saw him, he said he’d been to the board game session and loved it. I felt really proud that something I had suggested had helped someone. That's what the bereavement group is, we help each other."

If you have been affected by a life limiting illnesses and are struggling or want to talk The Kirkwood Counselling team, please get in touch with us by calling: 01484 557 910.