18 Jun 2023 Community

Beverley Shaw remembers her father Rae on Father’s Day

As a charity we understand how difficult fathers day can be for some people when they are missing their loved ones. Our Business Development Manager Beverley Shaw lost her own dad to lung cancer in 2021 with The Kirkwood caring for him at the end of his life. 

Rae Thomas died at the age 74 in January 2021. A proud father, Beverley deeply misses her dad every single day. 

She spoke about the care we gave Rae and the special memories she has of her dad whilst remembering him on this day. 

Beverley said: "He was born and bred in Huddersfield, he was a wonderful father. My work ethic came from my parents but particularly my dad, who would sometimes have multiple jobs. That helped to ensure we had as much as we could have whilst we grew up.

"When I became an adult and my career and financial situation allowed it, it gave me pleasure to give something back to my parents. I wanted the best for them in their retirement years.

"Following the loss of our son in 2007, my dad offered me and my husband comfort, support, and time and whilst subsequently we went on to have another child, the path was a difficult one.  

"I remember my dad saying 'whatever it takes, and if you need support we will back you 110%.' With time, support and on occasion guidance as a family we got through some difficult times.

"We always celebrated birthdays and key events. We are a small family as my parents were both only children and those special times and memories remain very special to me. I remind myself of this, whilst creating new memories with my own family.

"Rae cared for my mum who has vascular dementia and even in his last days he wanted reassurance that my mum would be looked after. He wanted to share with me information which was practical and that would help me after his death.  

"This included letting me know he and mum wanted a joint burial plot, where they wanted it and that he wanted it to have a good access to a pathway so we could take mum to visit him in her wheelchair. 

"These are all things I would not have known had dad not had the courage to spend some of his last few days sharing this and helping me prepare for that time explaining what arrangements needed to be put in place.

"Although since losing my dad, it has been hard emotionally, I am proud to have honoured his dying wishes in every way and we as a family. My husband, son, mum, and brother have somewhere to visit dad such as on this Father’s Day.

"Dad has just one grandchild and he adored him, they had a special bond and it gave dad great joy, picking him up from school twice a week, treating him to loads of chocolate and playing football with him etc. What child wouldn't want a grandad like this."

On the care Rae received from The Kirkwood, Beverley explained: "Dad initially went to the GP with a pain in his shoulder and within seven weeks he was dead.  

"Upon receiving the diagnosis I registered him with The Kirkwood and this led to engagement with the community nursing team and very quickly his admission to The Kirkwood's In-Patient Unit, initially to help with pain control. Dad spent the last six days at The Kirkwood. Prior to dad’s death, I had support from the counseling team.

"I was facing at pace several decisions that were needed both for dad and my mum and found it overwhelming. I kept questioning whether I was making the right decisions at the right time. 

"However with the support of the counseling team and his time on the In-Patient Unit I now talk about dad’s passing as a good death.  

"When I say this, sometimes people don’t know what I mean. A good death is where I was able to spend time with my dad in his last days in a tranquil personalised environment surrounded by specialists who supported not just dad but us as a family.

"The doctors were very honest with me regarding dad's diagnosis. I appreciated this and the pain relief they provided to dad to enable him to pass away with dignity and as pain free as he could. This has meant I look at dad’s death with sadness but appreciation." 

Beverley has now worked at The Kirkwood for a number of years and loves working for the community of people that has been created by The Kirkwood movement. 

She added: "I think as a community, we are extremely fortunate to have a hospice in our area.  

"I am a strong advocate of our services and will, wherever possible, signpost anyone I come across who may benefit from our services.

"Recognising the limited funding we receive to support our services I also promote the ways in which people can support us. Thus is through volunteering, donating etc. Locally I am often referred to as “Mrs Kirkwood”. 

"Finally thank you for letting me share my journey as I know dad would be proud if he was reading it now. I miss you dad, every single day." 

If anyone would like to leave a dedication to their fathers you can go to our Sunflower Memories Appeal page by clicking here.